New idea

Take a step back.

Being objective while you’re screaming can be difficult, so shut up. Stop the shouting, stop the accusations. They’re not helping. You will cause your partner to immediately feel defensive and predictably, start shouting back. No one says anything of real value while screaming, so while you’ve got your mouth shut, take a minute to think about what’s really bothering you. Is it the problem at hand, or is it the fact that you’ve argued about this problem one time too many? If that’s the case, stop arguing. Tell your mate you’re frustrated that the two of you can’t seem to reach a solution, and that you need a break. Then go for a walk, or do something active for a little while. The exercise will get your blood flowing and allow you to think more clearly about the solution you want, so you can end the argument once and for all.

Remember the goal.

A recurring argument often means a comprise hasn’t been made, not to everyone’s satisfaction. Pick a time to sit down with your partner, preferably when both of you are open and willing to talk. Ironically, for me this usually means right after we’ve had an argument, but most people like to talk at the end of the day, sometimes over a meal. Sit down and discuss the problem. Try not to let your feelings overwhelm you, but instead talk about what solution you would like to see. Then listen as your partner suggests their solution. If you made a compromise before, and you’re still arguing, it obviously has not worked. Discuss what went wrong the first time, keeping in mind that the objective is to find a solution that works for both of you.

Clear the table.

Once you’ve managed to come up with an agreeable compromise, lay the matter to rest. If that means talking out your anger, go ahead. Tell your partner what frustrated you originally about the problem, and why you felt you needed to examine the problem again. Listen as your partner tells you their feelings as well. Afterwards, clear the air by talking about any misunderstandings or frustrations that cropped up during your problem solving discussion. Then lay the issue to rest. Once you come up with a solution that works for both of you, the recurring argument shouldn’t come up anymore. Keeping an objective in mind, taking a step back, and agreeing to discuss, not argue, will allow you and your partner to stop rehashing the same problems over and over.

People often fixate on who's right, which distracts them from finding a solution."
- Benjamin Karney, co-director of the Relationship Institute at the University of California at Los Angeles